I rested through the night last night for the very first time in a long time. I cannot even bear in mind the last time I did not need to get up to pee, or get gotten up by the surroundings light outside my window, a thunderstorm, or the upstairs next-door neighbor playing his violin and his excessive whistling when he passes by my door. My body should’ve known I required a great nights sleep.

yoga girl

Today Baron Baptiste is in town and he’s teaching at his studio in Cambridge. Taking a course with Baron is a benefit given that he typically only teaches at yoga bootcamps, instructor trainings, and his revolutionary weekend workshops. He’s an amazing teacher, not only since of the challenging postures he tosses at you, but also because of his presence as soon as he goes into the room. Baron will make you stand straighter and bow your head with a little even more recognition. I typically think back and wonder exactly what if I never took my first yoga class at the Baptiste studio 8 years ago? Exactly what’d my life resemble and just how much additional baggage would I still be carrying around?

Having a background in gymnastics and fitness competing, I hesitated to attempt yoga. I was currently versatile and strong and as for the relaxation aspect of yoga I never thought being in a space with a bunch of sweating stinky people would be a place I can unwind. Lastly, a buddy of mine convinced me to simply to try. I listened. I do not remember any of the information about that first class. What I do bear in mind is going out the front door of the studio leaking with sweat and seeing the steam come off of the top of everyone’s head around me. I seemed like I was walking on a cloud. I’m very sure this was my very first naturally ‘high’ experience.

The change from workouts in the gym to power yoga at the studio was gradual. I wasn’t all set to surrender totally, not yet. After a few years and a step that brought me closer to the studio I then ended up being a regular yogini. I showed up early to every class. I chose my area in the back ideal corner and there I remained for a long, very long time. Many people come to their yoga mats to enrich there lives. I went to escape it. I’d conceal in the back corner were nobody can see me. I did not make friends. I did not speak with anybody. I just wished to be left alone. I was harboring a trick I did not really want anybody to know.

From afar, I resembled the typical yogini right from the beginning. I wore the ideal clothing, might sink down into my hanamanasana with ease, and shouted my om’s at the end of course. However if individuals actually understood what lagged the wall I surrounded myself with they’d see all my worry, terror, anxiety, and imperfections. I liked my safe little corner in the back of the space. I could surrender in my savanana like nowhere else. I might hide my eyes under my little towel and cry when I’d to.

I’d have never left that corner till Brandon my first motivating instructor, who understood how to take me to my edge on my mat began providing me a tough time about it. I now realized hiding in the corner was a stubborn pattern produced by my fear. The worst part about it’s I came to my mat to escape my worry and right here it was following me. Course after class Brandon started mentioning my defects which pissed me off to no end yet, I kept coming back for even more. I did not know why I liked his method of tearing me down, but it worked. My mind was getting more powerful. I was starting to see that although my body was flexible my mind was not. I’d to take even more action in my life and stop duplicating my old patterns which were getting me nowhere.

Today as I scampered to Baron’s class I was early as typically however I now position my mat front and center. I’m going to soak up as much great dynamic energy as I can from the master instructor. I’m no longer concerned that individuals can see me, even on my off days when I feel like crap and I’m in kid’s present and dumping my water over my head. Satya (truthfulness) has made its way into my heart. I don’t care that I cannot always stay up to date with my now close yoga pals at my side or that I’m now a yoga instructor myself and I ought to be able to make it with course with ease. I understand that’s my ego talking. The irony is that I’ve a lot of even more troubles now than when I began during that dark corner 8 years back.

Since I started yoga I’ve been detected with a brain growth. I’ve had two surgeries and radiation. I’ve had many seizures and stress and anxiety attacks, I’ve problem with my speech from the surgical treatment, I lost virtually half my long, straight, dark, stunning hair from radiation and now it’s growing in curly and a little gray. I make use of a head band to cover most of it up throughout course. Once I struck downward dealing with pet dog I could care less if it falls off. I recognized now that whether I surrender on my mat or not, deep space will discover a means to bring me to my knees. My practice and my teaching are about me and how my flaws make me perfectly special. It isn’t about my story. I’m a lot more than my clinical chart, my past, my appearance and my errors. I used to attempt to hit life prior to it could attack me. I now know it’s not about how tough you can attack, it’s to do with how tough you can get hit and still get up once again.

In my savasana today at the end of Baron’s class I surrender completely. I give up the control over my life in order to get freedom from my own thought and feelings. Some days I’m just making it through and that’s all I can ask of myself, other days I’m thriving. Today is one of those days.

Namaste