Finally I speak. My yoga blog site sabbatical is over! After Tucker, my canine died in September my writing came to a halt. I withdrew from the world and I filled my yoga teaching calendar to keep me hectic. I thought that teaching a lot would help me focus on other people and get myself out of my own head, however when I spoke in course my words were hollow. I soon became drained and my own practice fell short.

yoga beach

Life at home included reading nutrition and healing books, ending up being a vegan and searching the web for excellent dishes. I bought a rebounder thinking if I bounce high enough or long enough I could shake loose from the unhappiness that filled my heart. On the days I could not face my mat (which were numerous) I’d go to the kitchen area and invent a new vegan recipe. I liked the whole experience, from the preparation work of soaking beans, preparing the grocery list, shopping, and even cleaning the food mill. Swiftly I came to recognize that making my vegan burgers stick together, including too much chili powder in my chili, and biting into my chocolate pecan pie were all lessons in persistence.

I suffered a hip injury around the time of Tuckers passing, which wasn’t a surprise to me. We save a great deal of emotions in our hips. It stuck around for months, making it hard some mornings to even stand up directly. This injury provided me one more excuse to avoid my own mat. I went rock climbing up, I visited family, I slept and slept and rested. Winter season was fulled of ups and downs. By mid February I felt exhausted and wanted to stop teaching yoga entirely. I took on fewer courses, altered my schedule, started teaching at a new studio and simply kept breathing. Quickly I started to end up being mindful of the truth that cooking, resting, bouncing and all the other things I did to obtain by were all yoga.

Today I decided to avoid practice once more however this time I entered into my yoga room to do some yin yoga on my own. Yin is the hardest style for me because it’s when I’m still and peaceful within that the monkey mind appears. My physical body can easily take a challenge, however my mind (when faced with this awkward stillness) escapes like a kid. It’ll run, conceal, duck, prevent, lie and cheat me if I let it. But today I’ll certainly not. I sit in half pigeon for 5 minutes each side, frog for 10, then on to savasana. When I sat up I pulled my laptop over to my mat and started to compose.

Finally I’ve some clearness and this is exactly what it is:

You can not fly yourself, everywhere you go there you are. Your past is a small part of you but it’s not all you, so accept it with conviction and courage. Your practice never ends. Life is terminal, joy deserves the battle and sometimes your interest needs refueling when you shine the world around you shines too.

Namaste.