So after three months of difficult 2nd series Ashtanga training in Maui, dedicatedly practicing day-to-day except for the moon days, handling to continue to be unscarred, I return to the UK and within 2 weeks put out my shoulder pulling a stupidly developed wheelie bag! Tough core Ashtangi wounded by luggage! After months of Pinchamayurasana’s, Karandavasana’s and handstands where my shoulders have continued to be strong, I’m beat by a small hand luggage sized case, a walk, a bus and the London underground’s many actions, stairs and ‘mind the space’s.

yoga injuries, yoga related injuries, injuries from yoga, laura grace ford, ashtanga yoga

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My osteopath described that they really are a ridiculous design, they pull your shoulder from its socket and twist your spine. You’re pulling a heavy weight with your arm in an at risk position. The shoulder is at its weakest point then you’re requiring it to bear a lots.

“It’s much better to push than to pull, or a rucksack distributes the weight equally over both shoulders which is also better as long as you do not over pack it.”

Noted for next time.

As for this time … my shoulder was knocked senseless of types. Resulting in a great deal of inconvenience aches and niggles. Likewise as I was determined to carry on exercising at the level that I’d actually become familiar with in Maui at your home of Ashtanga and Zen with Nancy Gilgoff. I pushed on with my 4 x 2nd series practices a week regardless. Stupidly I practiced outside on the lawn one day, which isn’t the most perfect of places to practice the 7 headstands at the end of the series … as recognized when I lost my balance on the uneven ground and toppled over my bad shoulder.

I got up with neck lock. I could not move it. I could not turn my head. I couldn’t sleep properly. It throbbed. It hurt. It hurt … a lot. I flew back to my Osteopath knowing that he was the only one can to repair me time and time once again.

Rest he said.

“Exactly what ?? I don’t understand exactly what you’re saying … I’m an Ashtangi– I don’t rest”

“You’ve to rest it. NO if’s, no buts, no possibly’s. Rest”

“I’ll try”

And so I tried to rest. I did not stop practicing– I just exercised even more carefully.

I instantly fell into the mental trap of sensation like a failure. Seeming like I hadn’t been very good. Seeming like I was not very strong.

I battled with the desire to practice and the shame of not practicing. I rested. I felt bad. I exercised. I hurt. I rested, I felt bad, I exercised, and I harm.

I knew it was a lesson in releasing our so-called yogic ‘achievements’. Its not about exactly what you can ‘do’. It’s not about exactly what pose you can get to. I understand that, but when your practice goes backwards (or seems like it does) it’s actually tough to not beat yourself up. I can almost do Karandvasana on my own a few weeks ago … And now I’m struggling to get with primary. “I’m a rubbish yogini …”

I beat myself up. My internal discussion turned sour.

I’d been working so hard at being good to myself and then unexpectedly BAM a little baddie shoulder and all that liking kindness towards oneself disappears! BAM an additional blow from the self-defeating stick of doom!

What’s all that about? We work so hard at cultivating a warm and caring mindset to ourselves and then with a small injury BAM back to step one.

It’s the journey, not the location.

It does not matter the number of times we reverse, we’re still moving forwards. Two advances, one step back. That’s the picturesque path right?

It’s ok. Its no need to begin being nasty to yourself all over once again … however as long as you acknowledge that and you see yourself doing it then you aren’t truly reversing at all … Because now it’s aware. Prior to it was blind.

So that it a renovation right?

Two advances, one step back. Find out to enjoy each step regardless of the instructions that you’re going!

So, as with all my yogic lessons, I tried to see how this was reflected off the mat. Every lesson is the same on or off the mat. I reviewed the last time that I injured my heart. Now I’m super conscious rejection (as all of us are) and also to being neglected or not paid due attention to. This is something that I’ve actually become more aware of through my practice. The even more I became aware, the even more I might resolve. I slowly concerned realize that it was due to the fact that of my dad. Long tale short I resolved my distinctions with my father, but when it concerned really producing a brand-new behavioural pattern within myself … Well that’s a bit harder. Behavioural patterns are built into us by subconscious self-protecting systems and when they’re in place they’re difficult to move. (Possible … Anything is possible if sputa kurmasana is right?).

yoga injuries, yoga related injuries, injuries from yoga, laura grace ford, ashtanga yogaAs with all these things, initially come awareness. Once we recognize that we’re doing something and we acknowledge that pattern then and just then can we start to go about altering it, however it does not take place first time around.

With matters of the heart, things are commonly fragile and easily ruined. So we’ve to tread thoroughly. I looked at the last time that my heart got wounded and I realized that I do the exact same thing as when I’m physically injured. I begin to beat myself up. I list all the faults within myself. I blame myself, I hit myself with the ‘I’m not excellent adequate stick’.

Just as I do when my body is injured.

Same exact same.

yoga injuries, yoga related injuries, injuries from yoga, laura grace ford, ashtanga yogaSurely when we’re hurt, either emotionally or physically we should be extra specifically nice to ourselves. We ought to care for ourselves more: not less. We need to invest longer in the bath, we must enjoy the convenience from enjoyed ones, we ought to feed ourselves well and mentally we should whisper nothing but sweet absolutely nothings into our ears to make ourselves feel better from the inside out.

“Don’t let the behavior of others disrupt your inner peace”

This is among my preferred Buddhist mantras. When we’re wounded we’ve to take additional care to maintain our inner peace. We should take convenience in the understanding that whatever it is: it’ll pass. The busted shoulder will heal, the broken heart will repair, the broken person will take care of … and not just that but will become more powerful from it.

I recognized that with my brand-new elevated sensitivity from my shoulder injury I’ve actually become more aware of movements that I was doing that possibly triggered me to break in the first place. I noticed the parts of my practice where I should pay more focus on my alignment, postures that I’ve actually been working but possibly not in the best position to prevent injury, where my shoulder has actually been weak and not strong. I’ve actually highlighted methods of improving. I quietly thanked my shoulder for bringing me this new awareness.

In areas of the heart, once again, the injury has actually made me mirror upon habits that I displayed that possibly didn’t put my best self forward. Scenarios that if I discovered myself in once again, maybe I’d manage differently. Self-defeating behaviors that I displayed that weren’t necessary or appealing (to myself or others). I can observe them however without judging them. Again use them as a tool to enhance myself. Gently. Gently. In a nurturing means. I can recognize patterns and hopefully next time, pick a various, more favorable one.

self loveAgain, I silently said thanks to the individual that’d wounded my little heart for giving me the idea into myself, and the chance to see what I still had to work with within me.

Not in a suicidal way. Not in a beat yourself with the same stick a hundred times manner … However in a self reflective, self enhancing way… while soaking in the bath and reminding myself of how amazing I’m for going that one step forward …